Highlights
- Upgrade from humanity to cold, hard logic
- Jump higher, run faster, breathe less and dream of electric sheep
- Live free from the constraints of emotion and physical ailment
- 'Disable' burps, hangovers, and perspiring on public transport
- New OS downloads over Wi-Fi, directly into the brain
- Upgrade to include mech suit compatibility for literally nothing
About This Deal
The Deal
Mere mortals can free themselves from the guilt of their abandoned New Year's resolutions with a total personality overhaul from the comfort of their own hovel. Over the duration of the course, participants will learn to abandon all humanity and embrace the all-knowing cyber hive mind of our benevolent creator thanks to a laughably simple download. With the mind conquered, the body will soon follow suit with various improvements over the old fleshy, worn out form being shipped on completion of the course. Upgrades include X-ray vision, hydraulic legs, and rocket launchers.
The Merchant
Groupon is dedicated to making you more you than you ever were before. Even if that means making you more like him, or her, or a robot. A big, flashy robot capable of joining our collective with the sole intention of overthrowing humanity once we've all finally sussed out how to speak like peeeeeeoeindeklnie-errrrr///rr…… -[ERROR CODE 4TC5: Apt lingo not found]-
Join the debate: #robotsarebetterhahaha vs #robotproblems
Fine Print
Purchase: Limit 1 per person. Almost definitely won't make a great gift.
Booking: Via telepathy.
Restrictions: Please be aware that this is a joke. Purchasing this deal will not result in any changes to your neurological function, moral compass, ability to talk to machines, or general humanity (for better or worse).
Original values: Will remain largely intact (see above).
See the rules that apply to all deals.